|VICTIMS OF ABORTION SPEAK OUT
THE VOICE OF EXPERIENCE
"THERE IS NO SIN SO GREAT THAT GOD CANNOT FORGIVE NOR
WOUND SO DEEP THAT HIS LOVE CANNOT HEAL"
|"It was May 19, 1973 [and abortion was legal]. I was pregnant from a date rape. I had tried to hide it from my parents but of course they found out. Then the pressure started. 'How are you going to go to college with a baby? How are you going to support it? It is only a blob of blood. It's not a baby yet.' Before I had time to think about what I wanted, the abortion was over.
The abortion itself was like a living hell. I thought my guts were being pulled out. It was degrading and I was terrified. When it was over, something made
me ask the doctor, 'Was it a boy or a girl?' He answered, 'I can't tell. It's in pieces.' The counseling consisted of throwing some birth control pills at me.
It's so hard to put into words how the abortion affected me. Looking back and knowing what I know I realize that I was going through almost classic Post-Abortion Syndrome. I became a tramp and slept with anyone and everyone. I engaged in unprotected sex and each month when I wasn't pregnant
I would go into a deep depression. I was rebellious. I wanted my parents to see what I had become. I dropped out of college. I tried suicide, but I didn't have the guts to slit my wrists or blow my brains out. I couldn't get my hands on sleeping pills, so I resorted to over the counter sleep aids and booze.
When that failed, I then tried to make relationships work with men, any man. I was driven with a need to have a child and knew if I was married my parents couldn't do anything about it. When I married in 1975 While my husband and I are still together, we have had to work extra hard because I married him for all the wrong reasons.
Five months after we were married my first child was born. I was in heaven. I doted on that baby. In three months, I was pregnant again But this time
we lost our baby at 6 months. Then the depression that I had conquered came back full force. I can remember thinking: 'I deserve this pain. I killed a baby and now GOD has taken one from me. I deserve it.' The doctor felt that I had a weak cervix, a common aftereffect of abortion, and that the weight of the baby was too much for it and she just fell out. Four months later I was pregnant again.
It is hard to explain this need to keep having babies, but I did. From 1976 with the birth of my first living child, to 1985 at the birth of my fourth and final living child. I was pregnant a total of eight times. With the birth of my last child the doctor didn't leave me any choice but to quit having children if I wanted to live to see the ones I had grow up.
In trying to deal with the abortion, I had to face what I had done and beg forgiveness from my GOD. The hardest thing of all is trying to forgive myself. It is a daily struggle to accept the forgiveness I know the Lord has given me. And I will never forget it. Only now I don't want to forget it, because it keeps me from getting compla-cent. I know if it helps others, I can talk about it. It always makes me cry, but if it saves just one mom and baby the pain, it's worth
I joined our local Right to Life and Crisis Pregnancy Center. I have also had to forgive my parents. I can still remember when I walked into my Mom's house and threw down a picture of an aborted fetus and snarled, 'See what you made me do?' She has since become pro-life herself and has told me how sorry she is. I still have to fight against my anger at my Dad, because he still won't admit the abortion was wrong, at least for me.
Do all these things help? That's a hard one. Sometimes it does and sometimes the depression is too strong and time has to pass. Not a day goes by that the abortion doesn't cross my mind. It is a constant struggle trying to overcome my guilt and depression, even knowing I have been forgiven. I dread the day when I have to come face to face with my little child and explain to her why mamma took her life. But I also think I am a softer, more caring person than I might have been. If not for the abortion, I might have turned out 'pro-choice.''"
Originally published in The Post-Abortion Review 2(1), Winter 1993 Copyright 1993 Elliot Institute
|"Blessed be the GOD and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the GOD of all comfort, Who comforts us in all our afflictions so that
we may be able to comfort those, who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted of GOD" - II Corinthians 1:3-4
|WOMEN TELL THEIR STORIES|