VICTIMS OF ABORTION SPEAK OUT
THE VOICE OF EXPERIENCE
THE PERSON BEHIND THE MASK
"Who was  hiding  behind  the  mask?"  I'd  wondered  to  myself,  "and  why?" The  sinister, misterious mask was  now watching  me, following my every  move. "Who  are  you?"   I  cried,  challenging  the  fugitive  behind  that  great  wall of  gloom.  "Why  are  you  wearing  that  hideous  mask?"   Even  as
I  was speaking, I'd felt drawn to that well-hidden secret soon  to  be revealed.

Suddenly, I found  myself sailing  through  the corridors of time  to  another  place  in  my  life. The opulent colors of  light  which  enveloped  me  were  quickly  fading  into obscure  darkness.  Touched by   a  deep  sense  of insecurity, I  reached  out  towards emptiness to  rip  off  the  disguise. 

"Dear GOD," echoes a familiar voice racked by guilt, remorse,  and shame. There inside that cold, dark  tomb of  hopelessness and  despair,  a  wretched  soul  was found   chained  mercilessly to  the sins  of  her  past.   As  I  looked  more intently  upon  the  lone  figure  wasting  away  in  the  darkness,  I  came  face-to-face  with  reality,  and  discovered  that the  person  behind  the  mask  was  me.
THE CONSEQUENCE OF SIN = DEATH
I  can't  even  describe  all  the  physical  and  spiritual  pain  I'd  suffered,  following  my  abortion  in  1971.   For  a  great many  years,  I'd  hid  behind  the   evil   mask  of  rationalization  and  denial,  brought   on  by  a  life  of  sin.   In  vain,  I justified  my  abortion  experience  by  convincing   myself  that  it  was  the  best  "choice"  for  me  at  the  time.  Yet  the repercussions  stemming  from  that  fatal  decision  would  haunt  me  for   many  years  to  come.   Apart  from  GOD,   I was slowly  dying  in  my  sins.

I  was  a total  mess.  I  was  angry  with  myself  and  bitter  at  life.   Each  new  day was  worse  for  me  than  the  day before.  I  became anorexic/bullimic, intentionally  vomiting   my  food  after  every  meal  and  even  abusing  laxatives  to purge  myself.  I'd  smoked  an  average  of  1-1/2   packs  of  cigarettes  per  day.  I  found  it  hard  to  sleep  at  night, as there  was  a  constant  ringing  in  my  ears  that  was slowly  driving   me  mad.  My  weight  plummeted  to  100  pounds (which  was  not  healthy  for  a  woman  who  stood  5-feet 8- inches tall).  At  that  time,  I was  also  suffering  constant pain  in  the  lower  regions  of  my  body.  At  the  age  of  28  I  had  a  hysterectomy.

To  no  avail,  I'd  tried  to  fill  the  void  in  my  life  via  drugs,  alcohol,  and  even  the  occult.  I'd  even  tried  suicide, but  all   my  attempts  had  failed  and  left  me   more  miserable  than   ever   before.  I  had  no  real  and  lasting  peace. The  enemy  knew  how  to  take  advantage   of  my  pain,  disappointments,  and  fears,  and   used   them  to  keep  me chained  to  my past. Out  of  fear and  desperation,  I'd  chosen  death  for  my  child, and  part  of  me  died as  a  result.
BREAKING THROUGH DENIAL
My  sin did  find me out.   had to come to  that  place  in  my life  where  I needed  to move from the state of denial  and rationalization  to confronting  the  "person behind the mask".  Denying  the fact that I had sinned against  GOD  by  playing  a  major  role   in   my   baby's   death  pushed  me  into  further  bondage.  I   was  afraid   to  confront   my  sinful   past because  I   knew  that  it  would  hurt   too  much.  Yet,  in  order  for  me  to  embark  on  the road  to   recovery,   I  had  to be honest  with   myself  and   with  GOD   by   acknowledging  my  guilt.  Apart  from GOD,  there  was  no   hope   for   me.

("You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free" -- John 8:32).
DIVINE INTERVENTION
In  1981,  while  barely  holding  onto   life,  the  LORD  sent  an  "earthly-angel"  to  minister  His  love  to   me.  I  will  forever   be  indebted  to  my  neighbor, Angela,   who'd  seemed  to  have  only  one  mission  in   life,  namely   me.  When  I'd   shared my  life  with  her,  her  eyes  didn't  reflect  judgment  or  condemnation.  Instead,  I  saw  GOD's  love   and   compassion looking   back  at   me.  In   all  my   life,  I'd   never encountered that kind   of  love  before.  It  was   hard  for  me  to  understand  how  GOD  could  love  me  despite  all  I'd  done.  Though  I  knew  I  deserved  His  judgment and condemnation, He  gave  me  love,  mercy, and  forgiveness  instead.

On  July  29, 1981,  I  surrendered  my  life  to  the  GOD  of  the Bible.  That  very  day,  He  gave  me  a brand  new   heart. Believe   me,  when   GOD  forgives  a  person,  He  sets  one  free  from  all   guilt  and   transgressions permanently  and   "without strings attached".   He  not  only  forgives,  but  He  also  forgets  the  sins  one has  committed

"As far as the east is from the west, so far hath He removed our transgressions from  us"   -- [Psalms 103:12]. 

"
There is no sin so great that GOD cannot  forgive  nor wound so deep that  His  love cannot  heal!"
 
I've  held  onto  this  precious  promise since  the  very  day  I'd  surrendered  my  life  to  Him;  and  it  has  remained  my testimony  whenever  I  share  His  restorative  power and  love  with  a  spiritually  hurting,  dying  world.
RETURN TO TESTIMONIES ARCHIVES
CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE
"HAVE  mercy upon me,  O GOD,  according to Thy lovingkindness:  According unto the multitude of Thy  tender mercies blot out my transgressions. 
Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.  For I acknowledge my transgressions:  And my sin is ever before me. 
Against Thee, Thee only have I sinned,  and done  this evil in Thy sight..."
[Psalm 51:1-4].
THE MASK OF RATIONALIZATION AND DENIAL
"Blessed be the GOD and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the GOD of all comfort, Who comforts us in all our afflictions so that we may
be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted of GOD"  -
II Corinthians 1:3-4